Yesterday darling wrote a post about safety and security, it was titled It is safe to believe. I was so very proud of darling as I read it. She expresses her feelings beautifully and intelligently, making her words flow with grace. Her posts are ultimately for us as we write for one another, making our connection stronger is always the goal. She also writes in the hopes that others will read her words and be moved by them, from the replies she receives, I believe she does a wonderful job. This post is my reply and how I feel about safety and security.
I am 46 years old, divorced twice, with more bad relationships than I care to remember. I have also spent my life dealing with a manipulating mother. It is safe to say, I have never trusted women. I always thought I had to look out for myself. I felt I could never really open up because that is when women turn on you and use your vulnerabilities against you. Then I met darling and she began to show me how to not just talk but communicate. That was the first step in building our incredible relationship and dynamic. It is also something that we work on daily because we have to. Our pasts creeps into our day to day lives and causes us doubts. Doubts in ourselves, in one another and in our relationship. I know in my heart that darling loves me and would do anything for me, she has proven this to me time and time again, yet I still have doubts at times. Not because of anything that she does, it is my past experiences that make my inner voice tell me lies. Just little lies, just enough to cause the doubt, which can grow if it is not kept in check. This hasn’t always been easy, but as time goes by and we continue to build our foundation, structure and dynamic, it is getting easier. More and more I too believe.
I believe in the fairy tale, the dream come true, the love of a lifetime. I believe in darling and in myself.
My darling gives me the safety and security I have always desired. I am safe to be my true self. I can be open about all the sadistic, naughty desires that I have buried for years with out worrying about them being used against me later.
I have the security of knowing that she has my best interest at heart and wants nothing more than for me to be happy. She is correct when she says I am a better man than when we met. Thank you for that darling, you are the reason for my growth. She is also correct in saying that she is a better woman. I am so impressed everyday by her strength and intelligence. Not to mention her beautiful little side, that makes every day brighter for me. You are amazing darling, I’ll never stop seeing it and telling you about it. <insert babygirl sigh>
Yes babygirl, I am real….and you are safe, I have you.
In my girl….
In our love….
In our life….