Some recent events have brought this to the front of my mind and I wanted to write this so that we would always remember what is really important. I also hope that others read this and are given some encouragement in times that they are lost and struggling.
Every day is not perfect. Every scene/playtime is not perfect. Every conversation, every meal, every trip to the store is not perfect. It is just not possible. We have times that we don’t agree. We have times that make us mad. Words are sometimes said that hurt us. Actions can be misunderstood as we go about our busy lives. What we do or do not do affects our loved one in everything. Both positively and negatively. This is life. This is love. This is a relationship. This is a 24/7 power exchange relationship.
It does not matter what kind of relationship you have, it is not always going to be perfect. We are human and each of us are flawed in some way. It may be our childhood, it may be our past relationships, but there is always something.
Maybe you are in a brand new relationship and trying to figure one another out, or you have been together for 20 plus years and are working on a more open and honest relationship. You may be somewhere in between, together for a couple years, trying to learn about yourself and one another. The dynamic that you are in also does not matter, whether you are M/s, D/s, DD/lg, or any other form of power exchange relationship, it will not always be perfect.
I have moments that the world is ending. My heart aches and my inner voice tells me that everything is fucked. I used to let these times affect me terribly. I am getting better at not letting that happen. But it still does. Darling also has these times where she feels like something terrible is wrong. She becomes quiet and I feel her begin to distance herself as her walls go up to protect herself from the perceived threat. A threat that is not actually there, but is manufactured and grown from her past. Our past, the negative and scary past, can dictate so much of how we feel and what we think. But it does not have to. We can overcome our fears of failure, our fears of pain, our fears of loneliness.
Here is my belief: we have to always remember The Big Picture. The one that we are making together. For darling and myself, that is remembering our love, commitment to each other and our vow to have open, honest communication. This means that when something happens that hurts one of us, we cannot let it become a bigger issue than it is. This is not easy to do. When we are hurt, we get mad or sad or feel lost and disconnected. Sometimes it happens to both of us at the same time and it really seems like the world is about to end. Our communication falls apart, our connection feels nonexistent and we both feel like failures. These are the times we must really believe in Our Truth.
We must believe that all that we do means something. Every little thing we do, is done with the belief that it is for us and our relationship. Our love and commitment to one another is the big picture. The miscommunication, the misunderstanding, the misplaced anger or guilt are all small in comparison to our love and commitment. They can never equal its power unless we let it. Unless we let these small moments in time, that are indeed so very painful, grow and fester like a cancer. They will never be more than an imperfect time in our lives. In fact, they can and may become a memorable time, in which we learn from them how to not let them happen again.
We have the tools in our power exchange relationship. Open and honest communication is the answer. Painful at times, but not nearly as much as holding things in and feeling the distance between the most important person in the world.
So here is my advice to all the littles, subs, slaves, Daddys, Doms and Masters. When the time comes and something bad happens and your world is falling apart and it seems there is no hope for a good outcome. Go to your partner and fight through the pain, fight through the fear, fight through your ego, fight through your inner voice that is telling you negative thoughts and open your heart to them. If you are hurt, tell them. Make yourself vulnerable and see how wonderful it feels to have the person you love take your vulnerability and hold it in their heart and take care of it. You both want the same things. Closeness, safety, security, love, commitment, honesty, connection. I know these are the things that darling and I desire with each other. We work hard every single day to have them. Sometimes we fail at doing what we know is right because it is scary to be this open and vulnerable. It is not always easy, but it is always worth it.
These small moments in time that seem like they will destroy you are so insignificant when you step back and look at The Big Picture.
update to the post “Our truth“
we now return you to our regular scheduled blogging posts (darling)