“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.” ~Criss Jami
yet it is what I need to surrender
to be happy
to be little
to give myself completely.
I crave this place that you give me Daddy. I crave it every night. I hunger Daddy.
I struggle as I open my throat up for you. I gasp for air, I choke, I feel the muscles in my tummy flex as my body betrays me, I whimper, I cry. I GIVE YOU CONTROL. I let your desires feed me and I experience an erotic pleasure. I can’t hold back the tears as they run down my slobbery face. I hear you tell me how beautiful I am. My walls start to crumble. I feel a release of that tightness that can build in my chest, in my throat. I feel your love rush into and over me. Nothing exists but us.
The wonderful safety of being able to melt into you. To jump and be caught. You never let go. You squeeze me, pinch me, hold me down.
You lift me.
It is such a mystery how this works
and it took time for me to figure it all out.
How do I understand my strength
when I feel weak:
The world is more difficult to traverse
when my walls are down.
Yet I learn a new way. “The Protector” always there, my Big always a part of me.
It is about balance.
Knowing my fears and facing them; not alone but together. Believing. Living. Showing my strength in quiet ways even when i feel so small. Just being.
and on the days when the person who is my safety is the person who has hurt me and I seem numb- let your beast have me. Take the little toy who lays herself at your feet. Trust in all that we are.
yes; make me crawl to you. Command me. Use me… Own me. Let the beast devour me, take ownership and put yourself into me. Let your mind go and just reach into me. Pour out the pain, let it thunder and rain, and wash us clean.
and afterwards put me back together the way you want me. The way I need to be.