Sadistic words; hot as fuck and silly as a duck

Worthless, dirty, piece of shit, good for nothing but fucking, fuckhole, cunt, whore……

I called darling all of these things and more this morning. MUCH more.

She is none of these things! In fact, if anyone were to call her anything even remotely resembling these things they would find themselves beat up along side the head with a fury like they have never known.

So why do I call her these names? Because it’s hot as fuck. It’s dirty and naughty and makes fucking and BDSM even more sick and twisted than it already is for us. Which we love and desire. It digs deep into my emotions as a sadist. Because sometimes I am just a mean motherfucker and I like to see My girl in pain and discomfort. It also makes darlings pussy wet as a rain forest. Even as she looks at me with tears running down her face from the things I am saying her body shakes and her pussy squirts as I play with her.

This morning we pushed a lot of boundaries. BDSM boundaries, sex boundaries, verbal abuse boundaries. All of which were scary. Trust is the word here. Trust along with communication are why these words and the things we did are okay. More than okay, I believe they were a big part of growth for us this morning. I had to trust darling when she told me to call her all the things I wanted to and do what I desired to her. She had to trust me to take care of her after hearing all that was said and done. Being called a worthless, dirty, piece of shit, good for nothing but fucking, fuckhole, cunt, whore, while being spit on, slapped, choked, kneed in the cunt and made to involuntarily squirt is a BIG DEAL. Yes it’s hot as hell, but it also opens one up to painful feelings of inadequacy and fear of rejection. It is scary to hear and to say.

It also opens us up and creates the opportunity to communicate about what was said, why it was said and what is really felt. The aftercare. The time to let darling know that I do not think of her as these things. The time for her to let me know that it is okay for me to have these sadistic desires. This is where the connection becomes real. This is where it became real for us this morning.

Darling was lost. I had pushed her farther than ever and called her the worst things possible. In that moment she believed them. They were as real to her as the cum dripping down her beaten little body. As I held her I saw her fear. Not the fun fear of play but the fear of loss. The fear that I would use her up and leave her ruined. I held her and assured her of my true feelings for her. I brought her home to me and showed her that she is safe. I am proud of how it went. Proud of darling and of myself. We did it right.

As much as I desire to do and say these sadistic things to darling. It pales in comparison to my desire to take care of her and show her how much I love her.

She is amazing, worthwhile, pretty and smart, sexy and intelligent, funny as fuck, silly as a duck. She lights up my world with her beautiful smile and childlike glow. We go together like peanut butter and jelly, like bacon and eggs. There is no place in this world for me than with her. There is no one that I desire more than her. I will gladly give my life to save hers. I will easily and with great malice cut any stupid motherfucker that tries to harm her. She is My girl. She is My angel. She is My darling. She is all of these and so much more. She is My everything.

Now if you will please excuse me, I need to go shove My dirty whores head in the toilet and fuck her in the ass…..because that’s hot as fuck.

Daddy and I have had some fights over the last week and it messed with my mind and Tortured my heart and soul. He hurt me with his words. A seed was planted.  I actually told him not to be a fuckhead.  Yah;me.  I was punished.  Daddy put me in my place.   I then resumed to being his property;his whore.  I pleased him and was used over and over every night.  I climbed up onto his lap for nightly anal training.  I found myself asking for more harsh treatment.   I was sure I was just a fuckhole and I was fine with that.  I buried my emotions.  I accepted what I was to him.  I am devoted.  

Last night Daddy gave me Tango 7, a huge anal toy, and he stretched me and filled me full of himself.  Every night, every morning, he used me harshly.

This morning about 5 am I wanted him.  He made me a proud anal whore princess and I fell asleep in his arms as he continued to push his finger in me and out of my cum filled ass.  I stirred his hunger and emotion.  I asked for his new toy.  He had me sit in front of him while he fastened a cheek retractor on each side of my face and tied it around my head.  I was drooling, legs spread, while he put clothespins all over my body.  He stood over me and as I licked him he came into my gaping open mouth. He spit into my mouth. I was helpless.  My pussy betrayed me and he found it wet. After he released my mouth I growled at him to tell me what he really thinks of me.  He showered me with harsh words.  He pushed his knee into my swollen mess and punished me.  I was shaking.   Finally, I thought, I knew what he thought of me – I had a moment of cold steel and I was unbreakable. ( Truth is I was  scared).  Then I broke.  I opened and accepted it all.   I knew something amazing was happening but I was not sure what it was.

“Wrap your legs around me babygirl”.  He carried me to the bed.  This is where I found his real words.  His real feelings.  Sweet sweet calming- his voice.  His warmth.  “Da Da”, I peeped.

He put his broken little girl back together.  He told me how smart I was, his forever, those words are just in context little girl…  He cradled me and I cried.  I let out the pain.

I came home to him.  My soul broke free from a fog.  I awoke as his little girl.

I accept being his fuck hole because I am also the woman he loves.  I can be both.  The words are sexy and hot during play but I am okay with them anytime.  I know who I am to him.

I am everything.

He is my world.

I love you Daddy.


3 thoughts on “Sadistic words; hot as fuck and silly as a duck

  1. I love you guys. Trust is the center. You always find your way back and emerge stronger. I’m so glad you are my friend. Xo

    • I doubt much time passed from you telling me to remain calm and give him space and I asked him why he had to be such a f head. That went badly. We are so real, so open , so dang vulnerable; we feel. We feel deep. Words fly once in awhile because we loose our focus. I loose reality and my ptsd is messing with my mind. He can get angry.. We ALWAYS find our D/s. We always find each other. Yes, stronger. Thank you. What Daddy wrote about was on that path to getting us back home. He is amazing… You are amazing.

      • None of us get it right all the time. The difference we have is the desire to make it right when we screw up. No more pretending the issues aren’t real. No more stuffing down heartfelt hurts and desires. Connection and communication form our chain of trust.

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