ptsd affects Partner 01

ptsd

the symptoms of ptsd burn up energy .   i need days to recuperate after a social event/interaction.  Husband doesn’t schedule us consecutive events without knowing the effect on us.   Additional work he will have to do to take care of my needs and my state of being.

Today I am wearing the same outfit I wore yesterday EXCEPT i changed the color of my flip flops: pink to purple.    I attended a social event two days ago and i am still tired.    My therapist asked me what was so exhausting about the event.    It was the level of enthusiasm we were told to sustain, waving  those flapping plastic shaped hands on a stick to make a clapping sounds, the constant watchful eye rewarding those “more enthusiastic” with fake money that somehow equates to points?   Yah.  (and i totally expect people to say wth kinda event was that)  right?    The recipe for tiredness also has a cup of stress from conflict in our relationship,  a warm room,  and chairs that made my back and butt hurt.

Then there is the really big events: rock concerts in big cities.

I can be scared to do things.  Husband enjoys rock concerts and we have attended one RUSH concert together.   I was overwhelmed by the crowd and noise.  People bumping into me, the extreme loudness, the length of time the event took- all made me anxious.   Simple things scare me: people on the street, the unknown, loud, and hot.  

I was anxious BEFORE the concert.  His birthday gift to me and I was frowning, not wanting to go, having bad dreams, and it took a toll on his ego and respect meter.    I think he is learning to change his expectations of me jumping up and down doing the yays a concert, you are the best, omg fantastic dance.      It has to be okay that I am not excited to go; this is about ptsd not Him.   I am scared.   I will cry.  I will survive it.  Husband will protect me as i learn to overcome the crippling symptoms.   W/we try not to let them disrupt our life.

Husband shows patience and gets me earplugs, helps me pick out an outfit, and puts my little wrist bracelet leash on me.  He tries to get end seats in a location that will be better for me.    The sudden loud noises of the Pyrotechnics going off caused me to cry.    He calmed me and held my hand.

I felt like a scared little child as each time the crowd roared my little hands went to cover my ears.   It is also somewhat embarrassing once you realize your hottie of a Husband is watching you as you try to hold back those tears.

My RUSH concert shirt is now my safety shirt that gets worn a lot and on consecutive days.  It represents my strength and His love and protection.

My ptsd symptoms effect my Husband

  • Always being on guard for danger
  • Being easily startled or frightened
  • Noise sensitivity- ptsd stressors, like tapping, high pitched sounds, competing sounds,kids screaming not just loud noises.  The movie theatre is too loud for me so imagine a concert.

to be continued…

 

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33 thoughts on “ptsd affects Partner 01

  1. So sorry to hear it. Take care of yourself. 💜

  2. I am so sorry. PTSD is a mother fucker. Only those of us “fortunate” enough to deal with it, completely get it. Hugs to you!

  3. Yes, as a member of the PTSD club too, i understand its hold. i can’t even begin to know the combination of both that and anxiety. Hugs. 💜

    • There is a club? I am not alone. 😉Strength in numbers right? Do you have any posts about it?

      • i haven’t written anything about PTSD here yet. It happens in life if i am startled by something unexpected because of past abuse. No blindfolding might well become a hard limit when i am used by others. It’s not an issue with Master since i trust Him so completely. 💜

      • I understand about the blindfold. Definitely a trigger. W/we worked through my fear and panic attacks. I too am able to be blindfolded by my Sir.

  4. I cried once in an Omni theatre. I was embarrassed and ashamed. My ex was appalled. If there is a next time, I’ll have picked a better person to be with.
    You’re worth the extra “efforts”

    • So are You!!! Sorry to know you went through that. unicorns startle easy too so adding them in. giggle Prolly hard for some to understand if they don’t know about it. Many think you have to have been in a combat zone – well we were – but there is education needed between PTSD and ptsd and the different types.

  5. 😦 ❤ Glad you have MDS. 🙂

    • ME TOO!😃He is very supportive. It was a dive into the deeper end to examine how my ptsd effects Him and O/ our relationship. I see our DD/lg dynamic in the for front during these times..Big hand takes little hand.

  6. *hugs* PTSD is a bitch I’ve blogged about in the past. *more hugs*.

  7. Wow – what an open heart you have! If I could talk about my hangups with such honesty and attention to detail as you then I would prolly be much better off. As it is, there are things I feel that I could never say to anyone. Bravo for your bravado! 🙂

  8. Very interesting profile

  9. I really liked your post it hit home to me. I have a hard time doing things so well I dont go do anything. Its all too triggering for me

  10. I am new to blogging but I have posted a few things in regards to what i deal with with my ptsd

  11. It’s the worst I know.. .:/
    I pray to God one day we’ll all be healed of our previous trauma’s and our minds renewed. God bless you, step by step, challenge by challenge.
    Some days I just stay in bed cus fuck it.

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