“They demand so much; Does it deprive me if I give in?” he wondered.
He sat on the couch drinking his coffee. The warmth of the sweetness made him content yet he knew he was missing something. He didn’t want to be alone but he was unable to be with them emotionally.
His Catch 22: wanting affection yet fearing it as his destruction.
“Dependency? but I can only rely on myself. I have always, in the end, had to rely on myself.” sipping his thoughts he began to stare out the window. Yes he wanted the attention but was fearful of being swallowed up.
He resented feeling dependant on them and often made them feel like nothing. Neglecting them because really they only caused his frustration, right?
But yet he stayed because he needs. The voice says, ” be here for me but don’t come to close- don’t burden me with your needs and expectations”.
BE with them but without part of yourself: the fail safe.
” I can almost remember when I met you; I had given up. An entire life of searching for love and it always turned to pain. Its just that women are not trustworthy: they change. They betray, the guilt me, they reject me, they fail.”
It is that desire to be understood which forces me …I mean everytime I meet the one who understands me and I believe in love again- they change.”
It’s the story of the boy, the man who id denied his love.
to be continued